What really brought it home to me was my ride this past weekend to Wolf's Run for the Hoka Hey start and to visit a friend in Rochester. I had to look at why I was going, and could I accomplish that in these circumstances. The answer is "not now". My time frames are too stringent and finances too tight to not fret the whole way. It would be a disservice to myself AND to my companions, disrupting the entire trip.
After starting antibiotics for strept on Wednesday, I pushed myself last weekend, altering my plans to camp out Friday and Saturday night by going directly to my friend's in Rochester and making Wolf's Run a day trip. That cut out the PA part of my anticipated loop. Listening to the weather report on Sunday, I knew Monday would be the day to ride! Instead, I held out the extra day in anticipation of meeting Madeline in Canada to come home through Montreal and Vermont. Still, our time frames did not coincide.
All in all, only about 20 of 280 miles were spent riding in the rain. Much more than that was spent coming to terms with why I had not ridden the day before. I worry more about disappointing others than being true to my needs and desires. The ride to Newfoundland is, and always has been, Madeline's ride. It is a grand adventure, and it entices me. Passing up this trip is a major disappointment, but less so than going bare bones. It is the same as the difference between Friday's ride to Rochester, and Tuesday's ride home.